


I'm just a man

by fifthnorthumberland



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: (not really but it's not a happy ending either), Angst, Beta Derek Hale, Draeden, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Goodbyes, Human Derek Hale, Penis In Vagina Sex, Post-Episode: s04e12 Smoke & Mirrors, Relationship Issues, Scars, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-02-10 08:12:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2017557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fifthnorthumberland/pseuds/fifthnorthumberland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She holds him not like he’s fragile, which he used to be, but like he’s precious, and it makes him feels strong. The way he can let her touch him without crumbling inside makes him feel like he’s glowing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm just a man

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings for scars, heavy survival instincts. 
> 
> Accidentally seeing gifs of the mid-season promo made me nervous and a bit hot (Braeden and Derek half dressed? Damn.), so I wrote a thing to make myself feel better. 
> 
> It's written with the loss of Derek's werewolf senses in mind, hence the human!derek tag. 
> 
> Of course, the title is from Sam Smith's Stay With Me (how could I not?)

It’s not necessarily that he trusts her. He doesn’t trust her like he trusts Scott, like he trusts the sheriff or the ways his mother taught him. He doesn’t trust her with his life because knows she’s more likely to save herself than to cover him from shards of glass or hold his head above water unless her own survival depended on it. He trusts her instinct. How she weighs gain against risk and consequences reassures his worried and still tender heart. He doesn’t need to worry about giving too much, because she’ll tell him when to stop. He doesn’t need to take care of her; she’ll take care of herself. He doesn’t need to save her; she’s saved herself. The anxious bird in his ribcage settles when she laughs at him and tugs his hair.

Derek touches her ribs gently, with the tip of his fingers, and he lets himself want that, want her. He doesn’t want her to stay, not really. He knows she won’t, knows she’s gonna do what she’s gotta do (“Girl’s gotta eat.”) and he knows, in the end, he will too.

But the way she knows when and how to pull and push him. It makes him wish they could last.

For one night, clothes ripped off in frenzy, lips bleeding with how hard they need to bite them, Braeden leads him to his own bed. Her hands are strong and calloused and she doesn’t leave him the time to hesitate between harsh kisses and throwing her head back to moan, inviting him to lick up the lines of her scars from neck to her cheek. Breathing hard and trying to remember where he put the condoms he bought months ago, her legs open before him, he decides to do this.

It’s only months since Jennifer and it’s barely weeks since he decided he’d be stronger, for his own sake. He made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t sacrifice himself anymore. That he’d find things worth living and hang on to them. Surprisingly, he found that he already had a lot of those things. A sense of belonging to Scott and to his pack of friends. A desire for justice he could invest himself in. He’s not as desperate and sad as he thought he was before. And Braeden. She tastes like rich earth and smells sweet vanilla beans. She holds him not like he’s fragile, which he used to be, but like he’s precious, and it makes him feels strong. The way he can let her touch him without crumbling inside makes him feel like he’s glowing (shimmering like brand new scar tissue, warm like healing skin).

She moves in her sleep, her head lolling to the left, exposing her scars, and Derek’s fingers trace lightly, ghosting over her skin. He doesn’t trust her with his heart, but he feels safe with her. It’s only a night, but he doesn’t think he’ll sleep much. He feels warm and small and human and it’s all new and he can’t hear her heartbeat without pressing his ear to her ribcage, but he’s adjusting and somehow he trusts that he’s going to be okay.


	2. So it doesn't hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When she covers his broad naked shoulders with her leather jacket, her hands shake. Scott brings Derek his pants and shirt after finding them where Derek had laid, sure he was about to die. He gets dressed slowly, the energy sucked out of him after a full shift. He steadies himself on Braeden’s arm while she holds him. She looks at him like he’s going to disappear suddenly.

When she covers his broad naked shoulders with her leather jacket, her hands shake. Scott brings Derek his pants and shirt after finding them where Derek had laid, sure he was about to die. He gets dressed slowly, the energy sucked out of him after a full shift. He steadies himself on Braeden’s arm while she holds him. She looks at him like he’s going to disappear suddenly.   
  
Braeden holds him all the way to the car and her fingers still tremble slightly when she tightens her grip on the steering wheel.

From the passenger seat, Derek reaches over to touch her hand lightly. She looks over at him, worry and fear written all over her face. Derek tries to make himself sound reassuring and calm when he asks “Do you want us to get a ride from Scott?”

She closes her eyes, inhales and exhales once and says “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that”, her voice strained.

 

When they get to his place, Braeden doesn’t hold him as they get into the elevator and walk into the loft, but she hovers behind him. The beta wolf just underneath the surface of his skin feels safe in her protectiveness. Once they’re inside and Derek’s settled in bed, she asks, in a daze, if he needs anything. When he says no, she nods and leans in to kiss his temple before getting up and walking towards the bathroom. It almost scares him how tender the kiss is.

He’s almost asleep when he hears her sob from the bathroom, holding in whimpers. It makes him ache, but he’s too tired and confused to really be bothered. He wakes up later to Braeden lifting up the blanket and sliding in close to him, not touching him. He still feels weak, and slow from fatigue, but he moves in closer to her, his forehead touching her naked shoulder and his knees to her calves, seeking comfort. Before falling asleep again, he feels her sigh and bury into his touch.

 

In the morning, he wakes up to her heartbeat loud in his ears. He hadn’t heard it this clearly in weeks. Relief floods him and he reaches over her arm to pull her closer to him. She twines their fingers together on his stomach.

“I can hear your heartbeat.” he tells her quietly.

“That’s good.” she says. It doesn’t sound sincere and Derek doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t let him ask about it. She turns around, facing him and still holding his hand. She looks tired.

“Are you all healed up now?” It sounds a little worried, a little hopeful.

“I think so. ‘Seems like whatever Kate did to me stopped after last night.”

“Good.” It’s better, more affirmative and less questioning than before.

 

They fuck before getting out of bed. Kiss with morning breaths and almost forget a condom. There’s a moment when Braeden’s riding him, her hands on his shoulders, her hips slowly grinding into his as he fucks into her. It almost slips him by, he’s almost lost in how good it feels to be inside her, to touch her, to have his hand on her clit and on her hip, and he almost misses it from the sound of their heavy breathing, of the dewy wetness of the air between them where their mouths are almost apart but not quite. It’s hot and dense and it feels like the warm humidity that gathers before lightning storms bursts. It feels final, like after this, it won’t be the same between them.

He whines at the thought of this being their final time, angry that he doesn’t get to keep her, frustrated with himself that he let himself want her to stay. He bucks up into her harder and she gasps, looks at him with wide, shocked eyes. From then, they keep eye contact as they fuck each other. From then, the only sounds Braeden makes are the small, quick, desperate exhales she lets out on the rhythm Derek’s fucking her.

When she comes, it’s like thunder. She clenches around him and it’s like a whip cracking in the air, a bolt of lightning touching down. Then it’s like waves of electricity rolling through their bodies. She shakes with it as she rocks on him, her hand in her hair, the other one clamped on Derek’s hand on her clit. He freezes his hand, but she keeps it there as he steadily fucks her through it, getting closer to coming himself. He’s almost there when she throws her head back, takes a deep breath and breathes out “Keep going, just keep- _fuck_ ”.

He holds her hips with both his hands as he fucks rapidly into her, changes the angle of her hips so he hits the right spot with almost every thrust. Then she’s gasping again, grasping his shoulder tightly as she comes again, another wave of thunder, a slow roll that intensifies into delicious brightness, light, as he comes.

They stay there, foreheads pressed together, as his cock twitches inside her, panting. He feels like time just fast forwarded, like yesterday is a world away and he’s not sure where he stands now. His head’s still spinning when he feels Braeden lift up from under his hands, from being seated in his lap, on his cock.

 

He can’t say he’s surprised when she leaves. She gets her few bags from under the bed while he showers and when he comes out of the bathroom, she looks at him like she’s sorry. He gets dressed in silence next to her while she opens drawers and empties them. When she comes back with her toothbrush in hand from the bathroom, Derek hands her the shirt he’d been folding. She takes it and looks at him, eyes sad and asking forgiveness Derek’s already giving her.

She zips the last bag and Derek hands her her jacket that was folded over his desk chair. She takes it and puts it on, then walks into his arms, burying her face in his chest.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could stay. I really do.” she mumbles shakily.

“I know” he says into her hair.

“I just can’t. I can’t do this.”

He knows. He kisses her hair and squeezes her a little before letting go.

“Take care, okay?” she says, looking at him while picking her bags up.

“I will. You too.” he replies, meaning it.

“Hey, girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.” she says with a smile, walking to the elevator door.

He laughs a little as he opens the door for her.

“Goodbye, Derek.” she says as he closes the door.

 

 


	3. Darling, stay

Alone in his bed, Derek wakes up to a grey morning. There’s something in the air, something different, electric. Maybe it’s the storm he knows is coming from the clouds gathering outside, and from the wet cement smell his loft’s taken on. Everything is a bit humid and cold in there whenever the weather changes. The floor is cold when he sits up and stretches before getting out of bed to make himself breakfast.

As he cracks eggs in a sizzling pan, Derek still feels it, that something different, odd. Outside, he hears a rumbling of thunder and he decides he’ll spend the day inside, finish the manuscript he’s editing. 

After he’s done eating and washing his dishes, he heads for the shower. He lets the water run hot and fog up the room before he gets it. He’s content for a moment, to let it warm his skin and rid his bones of the humidity. His thoughts wander to the book, to the pack who he hasn’t seen in 2 weeks due to most of them being out of town at college. He doesn’t mean to think about her, but she comes to him easily as an image, but also as feelings and as flesh. She could be here. Yet she’s not. She left months ago and he’s accepted it, but it still hurts sometimes, like a wound on a humid day like this day. 

Braeden. Derek misses her presence in his loft, in his bed, in his life. It’s an unfamiliar feeling and not one he’s comfortable with, but he accepts it as yet another scar. He hopes she’s alright and happy, wherever she is.

At first, when she left, he assumed they’d keep in touch, texting or calling once in a while, but after reaching her voicemail three times and getting no response to multiple texts, he understood that she wanted space. Maybe she was really done with him, and with Beacon Hills, but somehow he doubted it. People came back here, sometimes despite their best efforts. He should know. 

Derek doesn’t allow himself to hope Braeden will come back too often, but he can admit to himself that he hasn’t quite let go yet and that he gets a thrill when an unknown number flashes on his phone’s screen. She hasn’t called, though. 

This morning, alone in his shower, Derek wishes she’d call. He misses her touch and her smell. He looks for her without realizing, until his heart stops when he spots a head of black wavy hair and dark skinned shoulders at the grocery store and swallows his disappointment when it isn’t Braeden. He reaches for the shampoo and tries to refocus on the book he’s been working on for the past week. 

He’s installed on the sofa in the living room when the rain starts pouring. He looks up from his laptop to the wall of windows. He always liked the rain, so long as it doesn’t last for days. This seems like it’ll be a short storm, gone by this evening. A crash of thunder sounds, the energy it’s releasing through Derek’s body, when he hears a motor’s low rumble outside. It sounds like it’s coming from the parking to his building and he isn’t expecting visitors, so he goes to the window to look down. He wishes his heart weren’t pounding so embarrassingly, but he can’t help the little bubble of hope that surfaces when he’s sure it’s a motorcycle that’s just stopped in his driveway. Of course, Scott has a bike, but this one sounds different, it sounds like hers.

Looking through the wall of window, water pouring in streams obscuring his vision, he sees her and his heart stops. Braeden. He knows it’s her before she takes off her helmet, before she kicks the stand and swings off the motorcycle. He doesn’t quite believe it, but here she is. His mind races, trying to find a reason for her to be back that won’t get his hopes up too bad. It’s pointless, he can’t keep it down, can hardly stay in place. He’s completely lost his cool and he knows it. She crosses the parking to the loft’s main entrance and a moment later he hears the elevator churn to life. 

Derek doesn’t know what to do with himself when he hears he elevator stop at his floor. He leaves the window to walk toward the door as it slides open and Braeden stands in it. Her jacket, the same one she left in, is wet, like her hair, and she looks good. God, she looks so good, it makes his heart flutter. She’s got a bag in her hand, by her side, and the keys to the loft he left her in the other. It’s not much, it’s just a clue, not a confirmation, but Derek can’t help the warm, joyful feeling that floods him as she steps foot into his home. She’s back.

He tries to speak, to ask “Are you staying this time?", but the words get stuck behind his tongue and the only thing he can think to do as she looks at him with an apologetic look is to walk across the room to her and, ever so gently, touch her face. Her eyes meet his and it’s all the permission he needs to kiss her, his other hand slipping into her hair, holding her head. He feels enveloped in warmth and realizes as his lips brush hers that her arms are around his waist. It’s a bit of a challenge to breathe, but he gets through it. Resting his forehead against hers, he sighs “I missed you”. 

“I missed you so much”, she says, tightening her grip on his waist. “I couldn’t. I’m so sorry. I’ve thought of calling every day since I left, but I- I don’t want to stay away anymore.”

She sounds sad and he just wants to hold her, and so he does, holding her head against his chest, and she lets him, lets herself be comforted. The thunder outside has stopped. The rain patters on the windows. Derek’s heart is quieting. 

“Why didn’t you call?” he asks. He tries not to let his voice betray all the hurt he’s felt. 

She takes a deep breath and lets go of his embrace, stepping back to look at him. She still holds his hands, so big and pale in hers. 

“I was afraid. I’ve been running for so long that it was second nature. I got comfortable for a minute and then you got hurt and I just didn’t want to see you hurt. I didn’t know-” she lets go of a breath and looks up at Derek, “I didn’t know I wanted to be here, with you.”

Derek’s eyes well with tears of relief. It’s unbelievable.

“You’re unbelievable.” he tells her with a smile in his voice. He can’t help it. Braeden laughs a little at that. It gives Derek the courage to ask what he meant to earlier.

“So you’re staying?” 

She looks at him earnestly, with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, and nods. “Yeah, I’m here to stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was surprised to read that some people wanted to see a different end to this story, one where Braeden comes back, and I am into that idea, so here we are! It's pretty short, but it's a happy ending, which, in my opinion, is what they deserve. In fact, they're probably planning their move to southern California, far far away from Beacon Hills, and closer to the pack's colleges...


End file.
